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How Much Weed Do Hobbits Smoke in the Shire in One Day?

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The Average Day of a Stoner Hobbit in the Shire

 

I’d like to preface this article with the caution to “not try this”, even though, I know that by the mere existence of this article some of you might make a challenge out of it. I know I wouldn’t if I was a younger stoner.

 

Nonetheless, I did find this to be something fresh and out of the ordinary to work on, and so, I will help this meme gain some wings

 

So what am I talking about?

 

While I was doing my typical research to provide you all with fine material such as this, I stumbled upon one user’s submission to the Subreddit R/Trees. Essentially, the OP prompted ChatGPT to come up with a “weed smoking schedule” in accordance with the “eating schedule” of the fictional Tolkien Hobbits.

 

The result was a daunting mountain of stoned-ness that would have inspired my younger self to try to attempt it. These days, I have too many responsibilities to simply gift a day to cannabis in such excess, however, I know there’s going to be a stoner out there one summer, in their home with nothing better to do than get stoned.

 

So for that bored stoner, that has nothing planned and would like to test the depth of their tolerance to weed, I introduce to you the “Hobbit Stoning Schedule.

 

r/trees - I had Chat GPT replace the Hobbits eating schedule, with a cannabis consumption schedule. Good luck fellow ents! 

 

As you can see, this is a “whole day event” and if you would like to take it to the next level, you should be watching the whole Lord of the Rings Series as you attempt this quest. I guess you could decide whether you’d watch LOTR, or The Hobbit movies…but that is not necessarily needed to complete the challenge. Dressing as a Hobbit is optional!

smoke schedule for stoners

I say, all you need to do to successfully achieve your “Hobbit Smoking Badge”, you simply have to follow the schedule posted above.

 

And to help you get into the spirit of it all, I created this fictional account of a Hobbit named “Bongbo Baggies” who will help you understand the way of the hobbit!

 

 

stoner hobit

In the charming villages of the Shire lived a tribe of hobbits particularly fond of the pipeweed grown in their sunny fields. Foremost among them was old Bongbo Baggies, an elder stoner revered for his mighty lungs and enthusiastic consumption of the sweet leaf.

 

One morning as the Sun peered over the hills of Buckland, Bongbo awoke, eager to begin his day in the time-honored hobbit fashion. Reaching for his trusty wizard bong Gandalf the Green, he packed a fresh bowl of Hairy Took kush and took a mighty rip, holding it in to savor the flavor.

 

After exhaling a ring of smoke, Bongbo felt ready for second breakfast. He headed to the kitchen to vape a sativa cartridge while cooking some toasted croissants dripping with honey. The terpenes opened his appetite and banished any sluggishness.

 

Soon elevenses arrived, the hour of eating and smoking between breakfast and luncheon. Bongbo whipped up a batch of cannabis-infused smoothies, blending together fruit, juice, yogurt, and a hearty sprinkle of ground indica bud. This infused his body and mind with calm vibrations.

 

By noon Bongbo was ready for a snack to carry him to luncheon. He ate fresh figs and apricots from the market while ingesting an edible, feeling their energies synergize. An uplifted euphoria flowed through him, mingling with the sounds of nature.

 

When midday hunger arrived, Bongbo sat down to a luncheon of mushroom pie baked lovingly by his dear cousin Tooky. Alongside it he sipped a ginger tincture infused with wizard-grown cannabinoids. The pie and tincture combined to send his spirit soaring on clouds of joy.

 

In the afternoon Bongbo met up with friends at the Green Dragon Inn, a legendary hobbit hotbox. They passed around Old Toby and shared laughed until Bongbo’s belly began to rumble. He excused himself for afternoon tea.

 

At home awaited scones clotted with cream and tart raspberry jam. Bongbo toasted them while taking hits from his Gandalf bong. Sweet, buttery flavors danced on his tongue as the Flower of the Westfast haze flowered in his mind.

 

By supper Bongbo was flying high, ready to feast. He cooked an elaborate meal of roast chicken glazed with a kushy herb butter. Alongside were roasted autumn vegetables and fluffy biscuits. Bongbo poured a deep cabernet infused with indica to complement the savory dishes.

 

Full from the hearty fare, Bongbo retired to his armchair, packing a fresh bowl in his intricately carved willow-wood pipe. He blew smoke rings above his head, watching them turn into little dancing elves and gnomes frolicking in the air.

 

But when the clock struck eight, Bongbo’s appetite was rekindled. A spread of pot brownies topped with vanilla ice cream sounded just right. He devoured the delicious edibles, licking the plate clean. A deep sense of wellness washed over Bongbo as he rubbed his full belly, soon to be asleep and dreaming.

 

And so ended a perfect day for this contented Halfling. His kin may have called him a stoner, but through the bounty of the Shire, cannabis brought communion, camaraderie, and childlike wonder back into his life. Bongbo wouldn’t have had it any other way. There were few troubles that the plant’s graces could not wash away.

 

Things to Remember:

 

If you’re going to attempt this insanity, let’s walk you down through some of the things to look out for. After all, this is a Hobbit schedule, no mere human could follow in the mighty footsteps of Bonbo.

 

Firstly, if you were to attempt this, I highly encourage doing a trial run where you literally just take small doses. This is going to accumulate and odds are that you’ll either at one point get tired and fall asleep, or the weed might just become a singular long deep body high that will get you couch locked for most of the day.

 

Therefore, pace yourself. This is a marathon, not a sprint. For example, just take a small hit of the vape when you wake and bake. Make the edibles a bit weaker…which brings me to my next point.

 

Prepare your stuff ahead of the time. Speaking from experience, when you get to a certain point – you don’t really want to be cooking. Therefore, I highly recommend preparing your hobbit meal ahead of the time. This will allow you to simply go through the experience without needing to worry about prepping anything.

 

This includes your space. Odds are that you’re going to want to hunker down in a particular spot. Therefore, prepare rooms, water, etc. Anything you’ll need to deal with whatever comes your way. For example, “a dark room” could be a perfect place to mellow out a deep brownie high. You just got to have some soft pillows, relaxing music – fresh air…and you can trip there for a few hours in between toking sessions.

 

Furthermore, I highly recommend putting  the smoking sessions on a pre-determined alarm schedule. You want your phone to tell you what time it is. This will help you keep track of the process since being stoned can make your time perception go a bit wonky. You might think hours have gone by, when in fact mere minutes turtled forward.

 

Do  not do this if this is your first time. You’ll be bound to green out and will probably not want to try weed again. This is a challenge for seasoned stoners. You should have already have eaten edibles on a few occasions, you should already have dabbed.

 

If you’re fresh to cannabis – this will in all likeliness knock you out. Even seasoned stoners know that the proposed challenge is heavy and it’s not something that should be taken lightly. You’re going to get REALLY high, so be prepared for that.

 

If shit gets too whacky for you, you won’t be able to “stop”, you’ll have to ride it out. Typically, novices panic pre-peak, meaning, they want to “get off the ride” but the ride hasn’t reached the zenith yet. In these cases, go to the dark room, remove as much stimuli as possible, and focus in on your breathing.

 

I wrote extensive guides on Greening out, you should read that prior to attempting this crazy shit. This also means that you don’t want to have newbies with you if you’re going to attempt this. You want stoners that know how to handle their shit, that know their own limits, that understand what they are attempting.

 

I would also have some CBD on hand. If you get really stoned, you can use a few drops in a tincture to level out the high. However, you’re going to also want to learn how to do some basic calming breathing techniques. It’s probably one of your best weapons when you’re faced with a “OMFG” moment.

 

Just inhale for four seconds, and exhale for six…and keep this rhythm while only focusing on how the air goes in and out. Whatever thoughts that are happening in your head are typically not your own, just your conscious mind tripping the hell out.

 

If you follow these suggestions, you should in all likeliness be able to get through the session and become an honorary stoner hobbit. It could also be a great way to do 420 with your friends. Of course, always be safe and cautious when consuming anything.

 

This challenge is something that I would not attempt myself, but I think that there would be some stoners who would find this appealing. If I’m going out of commission for a day, I’d prefer 2-3 hits of acid or 5-7 grams of mushrooms and take a plunge into the strange. But that’s me.

 

For those who will attempt this, let me know in the comments wherever you read this. Maybe you can meet up with some fellow hobbits and make a thing of it!

 

A WEED SCHEDULE OR JOURNAL, READ ON…

MARIJUANA JOURNAL OR DIARY

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF A WEED SMOKING JOURNAL?



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Scientists Now Think That One Compound in the Cannabis Plant Can Replace All Opiates

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Which Cannabis Compound Do Scientists Think Can Replace Opiates?

…And Why This Is Important

Opiates are a type of pharmaceutical drug that’s been made from the opium poppy plant. While it’s somewhat a ‘natural’ substance that’s been extracted from the fibers and sap of the opium poppy plant, these are extremely dangerous sedatives that act on the central nervous system. However, there are completely synthetic opioids as well, which are manufactured entirely in laboratories.

Famous examples of well-known and widely-used opiates today include heroin, codeine, and morphine. They all work similarly, binding to the brain’s opioid receptors and users feel a drastic reduction in pain. It also causes users to feel euphoric, drowsy, or sleepy. Common side effects include constipation and nausea.

Because opiates are powerful for dulling one’s pain perceptions, they have become commonly prescribed by doctors and hospitals for pain relief. That said, opiates have become one of the world’s most addictive, dangerous, and fatal drugs – and you can get prescribed it right by your very own physician. Repeated use of opiates can easily lead to dependence and addiction, and eventually consuming high doses can drastically slow down breathing, and cause brain damage, or even death.

Since doctors still keep prescribing opioids, this has resulted in the deadly Opioid Epidemic, which has killed thousands of people. It’s a worrisome public health crisis, most especially because of fentanyl, an illegally manufactured opioid which is said to be 50 times more potent than heroin.

Could The Answer To The Opioid Epidemic Lie In Cannabis…Terpenes?

The past few years have shown that cannabis legalization is critical for surviving the opioid epidemic, and reducing overall opioid consumption.

The results of a recent research paper, which builds on past studies conducted by Dr. John Streicher, who is a member of the Comprehensive Center for Pain and Addiction, reveals fascinating findings. According to Streicher, cannabis terpenes were found to provide relief in inflammation models as well as on neuropathic pain caused by chemotherapy.

For the study, Streicher and his research team analyzed 4 kinds of terpenes that are found in mid to high levels in Cannabis sativa plants: linalool, geraniol, beta-caryophyllene, and alpha-humulene. They discovered that each terpene produced significant pain relief among mice subjects with fibromyalgia and post-operative pain, and among the terpenes, geraniol was found to be the most powerful.

“Our research is showing that terpenes are not a good option for reducing acute pain resulting from an injury, such as stubbing your toe or touching a hot stove; however, we are seeing significant reductions in pain when terpenes are used for chronic or pathological pain,” he said. “This study was the first to investigate the impact of terpenes in preclinical models of fibromyalgia and post-operative pain and expand the scope of potential pain-relieving treatments using terpenes,” Streicher said.

Cannabis terpenes are the compounds responsible for the aromatic profile of each strain; they are located in the plant trichomes. Not only do they contribute to each strain’s unique flavor and odor, but they also have valuable therapeutic and medicinal benefits. There are around 150 kinds of terpenes known today, though in the entire plant world, there are known to be some 20,000 terpenes.

Understanding the therapeutic benefits of terpenes is incredibly valuable also because they don’t contain THC (tetrahydrocannabinol), the compound in marijuana that gets you high.

“With fibromyalgia, there isn’t much of an understanding of what the pain state is, and there are not a lot of great options for treating it,” explains Streicher. “Our findings show that terpenes may be a viable treatment option for fibromyalgia pain, which could potentially have a large impact and make a difference for an under-treated population.”

Other Studies

This is not the first time that cannabis terpenes have been found to demonstrate excellent pain-relieving properties. It must be noted that just like what Streicher says, terpenes seem to do better with chronic pain management, instead of acute pain management.

Another study from 2024, which was published in The Journal of the Association for the Study of Pain, was conducted by researchers at the University of Arizona and the National Institutes of Health. The investigators analyzed the analgesic properties of different terpenes including geraniol, humulene, linalool, pinene, and caryophyllene among mice subjects with chemotherapy-induced peripheral neuropathy.

According to the researchers, all the terpenes delivered analgesic effects that were equivalent to around 10 mg/kg of morphine. It was also interesting to note that administering both morphine and terpenes together at low doses resulted in ‘enhanced’ pain-killing effects.

“Together these studies identify cannabis terpenes as potential therapeutics for chronic neuropathic pain,” said the investigators.

There have also been other studies that have found that combining cannabis with opioids can indeed provide long-lasting pain relief. It comes with the added benefit of reducing opioid doses needed for effective pain control. This phenomenon is called opioid-sparing. These types of protocols can be beneficial for patients who suffer from severe, chronic pain caused by cancer, arthritis, joint problems, fibromyalgia, diabetes, post-surgical pain, migraines, nerve damage, and so much more.

Conclusion

Learning more about the pain-killing properties of terpenes is extremely valuable for the medical community, patients, and even society as a whole. We can all do with less opioid addictions because it has torn families apart, and caused the deaths of thousands of people.

Terpenes, or cannabis in general, offer a natural and safe alternative that can be complementary to other pharmaceutical treatments designed to reduce pain.

 

SWAPPNG OPIOIDS FOR CANNABIS, READ ON…

OPIOIDS FOR POT

OPIOIDS FOR POT, WHAT WE KNOW FROM ILLINOIS AND ARIZONA?



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Cannabis and the Authoritarian State

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Cannabis and the Authoritarian State

Cannabis has been legal for longer than it has been illegal. Let that sink in for a minute. For thousands of years, humans cultivated and consumed cannabis freely across civilizations and continents. It wasn’t until the early 1900s that we witnessed a massive push to drive hemp and cannabis into the black market, primarily due to industrial competition from petrochemicals, pharmaceuticals, and other industrial applications.

What makes cannabis so threatening to powerful interests? For starters, hemp and cannabis are highly versatile crops with over 50,000 different uses, from medicine to textiles to fuel. Even more remarkable is how this plant is hardwired to work with the human body through our endocannabinoid system—a biological network we didn’t even discover until the 1990s.

Perhaps most threatening of all is that cannabis is insanely easy to grow. This means that if the plant helps you with a particular physical ailment, you have the ability to grow your own medicine indefinitely. No insurance premiums, no wait lists, no pharmaceutical middlemen—just you cultivating your own healing directly from the earth.

Authoritarians do not like this, not one bit. When people can meet their own needs independently, power structures lose their grip. When citizens can think differently without permission, control systems begin to fail. So today, we’re going to look at the interesting relationship between authoritarianism and cannabis, and how this humble plant plays a key role in keeping you free.

We’ve already established the versatility of cannabis, but there’s another element that those old D.A.R.E. PSAs inadvertently reveal about what authoritarians think about cannabis. I’m talking, of course, about “behavior.” You see, in an authoritarian system, you and I are but cogs in the machine. We’re the expendables who should be proud to work ourselves to death for our “fearless leaders.”

This is precisely why certain ideas, philosophies, religions, movements, books, and substances are typically banned in authoritarian regimes. Take North Korea as an example: everything from the type of television citizens watch to the music they hear is a tightly spun spell designed to keep the populace in check. While they don’t have explicit laws against hemp (they actually grow it industrially), smoking psychoactive cannabis is strictly forbidden.

Contrast this with places like Malaysia, where you can get up to 5 years for possessing just 20 grams of cannabis, and even face the death penalty depending on the situation. These authoritarians don’t play around when it comes to cannabis because they know it affects the behavior of their populace in ways they can’t control.

The question becomes: what behavior do they fear so much that cannabis produces within the individual?

The answer is a critical mind. People who consume cannabis often begin to question their own belief systems. Most regular users undergo some transformation in their values and perspectives. Cannabis has a unique way of helping people see beyond cultural programming and think outside established paradigms. It can make the familiar strange and the strange familiar—a psychological state that’s antithetical to authoritarian control.

This independent thinking runs counter to the narrative of authoritarians who wish to maintain a tight grip on social consciousness. If even 10% of a population begins to pivot in their behavior within a regime, it can have massive ripple effects. Just look at cannabis in the US—it went from being demonized to being embraced by the majority in less than 80 years, despite massive propaganda efforts.

For authoritarians, psychoactive cannabis isn’t primarily a threat to public health and wellbeing—it’s a threat to the health and wellbeing of authoritarianism itself. When people start thinking differently, they start living differently. When they start living differently, they start demanding different. And that’s the beginning of the end for any system built on unquestioning obedience.

Beyond the threat to thought control, there’s another reason why drugs in general remain illegal: the state can use prohibition as a weapon against the populace. This isn’t conspiracy theory—it’s documented history.

Take Nixon’s war on drugs. His domestic policy chief, John Ehrlichman, later admitted: “We knew we couldn’t make it illegal to be either against the war or black, but by getting the public to associate the hippies with marijuana and blacks with heroin, and then criminalizing both heavily, we could disrupt those communities.” Nixon essentially placed cannabis on the Controlled Substances Act because he needed an excuse to shut down anti-war protests and target Black communities.

Since hippies and anti-war protesters were smoking “freedom grass,” making it illegal would circumvent their freedom of speech and freedom of assembly, and more importantly—turn free citizens into state property. It’s a win-win if you’re an authoritarian looking to silence dissent.

Then there’s the whole “boogeyman” complex that prohibition creates. We’re told “drug dealers” are roaming the streets preying on innocents, giving them “marihuanas” so they can do vile things. What the government conveniently leaves out is how the banks these “dealers” use to launder their money remain untouched. They don’t mention the shadier dealings of law enforcement either—like running guns into Mexico (eventually leading to the death of one of their own), or spraying poison on crops, killing and hospitalizing people because, you know…”Drugs are bad!”

Authoritarians cannot let go of the value that keeping the most widely used illicit substance in the world illegal provides them. This explains why the US hasn’t federally legalized cannabis despite nearly 80% of Americans supporting some form of legalization. It’s not because they don’t have enough research or that they’re genuinely concerned about public health—it’s because prohibition gives them all the privileges of violating constitutional rights while siphoning money into their coffers.

Drug prohibition creates a perpetual enemy that can never be defeated, allowing endless justification for surveillance, militarized police, asset forfeiture, and expansion of state power. What authoritarian could resist such a convenient tool?

Cannabis is a plant. You can’t make nature illegal—it’s counter to the human experience. When governments attempt to criminalize a naturally occurring organism that humans have cultivated and used for thousands of years, they reveal the absurdity of their position and the limits of their authority.

While the United States isn’t a full-on authoritarian state (yet), the truth is that many authoritarian elements have played out over the years. You only need to look as far as the war on drugs to see how the state utilizes prohibition as a weapon to their advantage. From no-knock raids to civil asset forfeiture to mass incarceration, drug laws have erected a parallel legal system where constitutional protections often don’t apply.

The fundamental truth is that cannabis is not only versatile and medicinal, it gives you back your autonomy in multiple ways. It helps you think for yourself. It allows you to grow your own medicine. It connects you with a plant that humans have used ceremonially, medicinally, and industrially throughout our history. And this autonomy is something authoritarians cannot stand—free individuals who know how to think beyond the narratives they’re fed.

Cannabis doesn’t just get you high—it offers a perspective from which the absurdities of prohibition become glaringly obvious. Perhaps this is why, as state after state legalizes, we’re witnessing the slow but steady unraveling of one of the most enduring authoritarian policies in American history.

So if you count yourself among those who value freedom of thought and bodily autonomy, who believe that nature doesn’t require government permission, and who understand that true liberty includes the right to explore your own consciousness—well, maybe it’s time to toke one up for freedom!

 

LEGALIZING CANNABIS IS NOT ENOUGH, READ ON..

LEAGLIZATION OF CANNABIS

WHY LEGALIZING CANNABIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING…



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Stop Using Bat Poop to Fertilize Your Weed Plants Immediately, Here is Why…

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Don’t Fertilize Your Weed with Bat Poop

 

Fertilization is a critical step for growing healthy marijuana plants.

They help provide essential nutrients for marijuana in various stages of growth, while promoting plant growth. There are dozens of different fertilizers to choose from in the market; growers can choose based on budget, nutrients needed, location, season, and much more. But not all fertilizers are made equally – of course, some are of better quality than others.

That said, there are some rather unusual fertilizers that can be used on plants. These may include, but are not limited to: coffee, milk, grass clippings, banana peels, fish tank water, potato water, and even urine! Yes, it does sound strange, but to gardening enthusiasts, there is nutritional value to be found in each of these things, which can make them suitable fertilizers depending on the circumstances.

For example, grass clippings make excellent mulch and can provide potassium, nitrogen, and phosphorus. Urine is a potent source of nitrogen as well as phosphorus. Banana peels are rich in calcium, which is excellent for promoting root growth while helping supply oxygen to the soil.

But what about bat poop? Also known as guano, bat poop has been said to work as a plant fertilizer because it’s rich in nitrogen, potassium, phosphorus, and other nutrients. Unfortunately, using bat poop as a plant fertilizer can also be dangerous. So if you don’t really know what you are doing, bat poop as a fertilizer can be extremely risky.

Bat Poop Fertilizer Kills 2 NY Men

On December 2024, news of two men hailing from Rochester, New York, dying went viral.

The cause of death was dangerous fungus, in the bat poop that they were using to fertilize their marijuana plants. Both men grew their own marijuana plants for medical consumption, but unfortunately developed histoplasmosis after breathing toxic fungal spores from the guano.

One of the men was aged 59 years old; he bought bat poop online to use as fertilizer for his plants. Meanwhile, the other was a 64-year-old male who found guano in his attic, then decided to use it to fertilize his cannabis plants. They both developed similar symptoms, including chronic coughs, fever, severe weight loss, and respiratory failure. The case was also discussed in the Open Forum Infectious Diseases medical journal.

Is there a safe way to use bat poop as fertilizer? If you ask me, I truly can’t understand why one would use guano as fertilizer when there are so many other proven safe alternatives out there that are simply not as risky. According to the University of Washington, one must always wear a dust mask each time you open a bag containing soil amendments. That’s because a mask will greatly decrease the chances of breathing in fungal spores, which could be potentially dangerous. They also go on to explain that yes, guano is indeed used as fertilizer for its valuable nitrogen content but it still isn’t without its own risks, particularly of developing Histoplasma – the same condition that killed the two men.

Make Your Own Safe Fertilizers At Home

There are many other safe, affordable – and even free – fertilizers you can feed your marijuana plants with. It doesn’t have to cost a fortune nor does it have to be risky to your health.

Check out these easy, low-cost, DIY fertilizers for weed:

 

  • Coffee grounds are abundant in nitrogen, which makes it perfect for the vegetative stage of marijuana plants. They are also a fantastic source of organic materials and green waste, which contain other vital nutrients. When the coffee grounds decompose, they create soil aggregates that improve soil aeration and its water retention capabilities.

 

Mix around 2 grams of coffee ground for every liter of soil. Measuring its pH levels is also helpful, since you want it to be between 6 to 6.5

 

  • Crushed eggshells are a great way to ensure no eggshells go to waste. It’s rich in calcium plus other minerals that are effective in improving overall plant structure, health, and growth. In fact, so many gardeners and farmers commonly use crushed eggshells to help boost plant growth – and it will work just as well for marijuana plants.

 

They’re really easy to use, too! Just mix eggshells into the soil, or steep them into water then pour into the soil for a calcium-packed feed.

 

  • Banana tea or water is rich in potassium and magnesium, making it perfect as a feed during the marijuana plant’s flowering stage. You can use banana peels differently: with 3 to 5 banana peels, soak it in water for 2 days. Then you can use the water on your plants, and even leave the banana peels as compost for your garden.

 

  • Wood ash from your fireplace or other sources is a great source of phosphorus and potassium. Simply sprinkle some wood ash over marijuana during the final flower phase. Just use 1 or 2 grams of ash for every liter of substrate. Be careful not to use too much wood ash, or it can make the soil too alkaline.

 

  • Animal manure, such as those from cows, rabbits, or horses, make excellent organic fertilizers. Just be sure that they’re composed properly so that you avoid introducing weed seeds, or pathogens.

 

These low-cost fertilizers are also natural and effective. There’s no reason for you to turn to bat poop as fertilizer, even if you’re in a bind.


Conclusion

Guano or bat poop is a poor choice of fertilizer if you don’t know what you are doing. It’s risky and potentially dangerous – just not worth it. Instead, fertilize your marijuana plants with these options mentioned.

 

BEST POOP FOR CANNABIS PLANTS, KEEP READING…

BEST POOP FOR CANNABIS PLANTS

WHAT IS THE BEST POOP FOR USING ON CANNABIS PLANTS?



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