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How Psychedelics Helped Me Manage Grief From A Career In Law Enforcement (Op-Ed)

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2 months ago

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“What I experienced with ayahuasca was not an escape from grief, but a direct engagement with it… It was a fundamentally different process than what I had relied on throughout my career: not control or oppression, but forgiveness, surrender and understanding.”

By: Kemmi Sadler, Law Enforcement Action Partnership

Life has an interesting way of opening the eyes and the mind. Throughout my law enforcement career, I built my identity around evidence, discipline, and control. And to my surprise, it was this mindset that eventually led me to rethink everything I thought I knew about psychedelics.

My story begins with Amel. He was sixty years old and working for the US embassy in Iraq on his second tour when I arrived in 2006 as a bright-eyed young agent in the Diplomatic Security Service. In early 2007, her husband was kidnapped. He decided to save her, went to rescue her, and was taken away. Neither of them survived.

For the next 18 years, I felt I had to protect him—or at least stop him from going.

That guilt had a way of surfacing at unexpected moments. I felt how deeply grief had shaped me, even though I had kept it buried. But in a profession built around helping others, it’s hard to admit when you need help yourself.

So I went back to work.

My career included investigating fraud and human trafficking, followed by two years in internal affairs handling sexual assault and crimes against children. I prided myself on approaching each case without bias, following the evidence, testing hypotheses, and letting the facts guide me.

This commitment to evidence was ingrained early on, and it led me to question some basic assumptions about law enforcement. As a young police officer with the St. Augustine Police Department in Florida, I began to notice gaps between what the system was supposed to do and what it actually did. Not everyone was as afraid of arrest as I expected. Drug users, dealers, sex workers—they were often considered part of the equation. This time I got caught. Next time, I’ll be more careful.

Those early experiences brought to the fore a question I couldn’t shake: If consequences are supposed to change behavior, why not? I saw the same people over and over again through the system. A man, known to our department, got drunk, called 911 from a pay phone and yelled, “CHICKEN GEORGE IS COMING!” until the officers arrive. Looking back, I wonder if the detention itself offered something he didn’t get anywhere else—human interaction or just a night on the street.

The same instinct that led me to rethink aspects of my work also shaped how I began to deal with my unresolved grief. For years, I relied on the same framework to get by: control, compartmentalization, moving forward. But eventually, I began to wonder if the assumptions I made about trauma, like the ones I questioned at work, were incomplete.

Two years before I retired, I heard about ayahuasca on a podcast. It is a psychedelic preparation made from an Amazonian vine and a companion plant, used in ceremonial traditions for generations. What surprised me was not just what it was, but how it was discussed: with respect, even reverence.

This challenged a fundamental tenet of my law enforcement programming. As a product of the war on drugs, I believed that all illegal drugs were dangerous and destructive.

But after decades of watching cycles of addiction repeat themselves, and after losing my younger brother to heroin, I was forced to question whether this understanding was too simplistic.

So I did what I was trained to do. I researched it.

For over a year, I immersed myself in research on trauma and psychedelic therapy. I read clinical studies and heard veterans and others describe deep and often lasting healing and relief. At first, I was driven by intellectual curiosity and a commitment to follow the evidence, even if the conclusion directly contradicted what I had been taught. But beneath that curiosity was something more personal: the recognition that the tools I had relied on to manage my grief for decades were no longer working for me.

For years, I dealt with grief as many in our field do, mostly by repressing it and soldiering on. These skills were enough to keep me in the job. But in the retreat, they left me stuck, circling the same unresolved loss with no way out.

After careful consideration, I chose to attend an ayahuasca ceremony. At that time, I had never used illegal drugs. My substances were limited to alcohol and tobacco, both legal, socially acceptable and, in my case, convenient ways to deal with the grief bubbling under the skin.

What I experienced with Ayahuasca was not an escape from grief, but a direct engagement with it. The breakthrough wasn’t immediate, but with deliberate work and preparation, I was finally able to sit with the loss of Amel and the deaths of my father and brother without walking away. It was a different process than what I’ve relied on throughout my career, not control or oppression, but forgiveness, surrender and understanding.

This experience ultimately led me to write From the Badge to the Vine, a memoir about what it took to deal with years of trauma and the limitations of the tools I once relied on to manage it.

After a career spent investigating other people’s problems, I saw how rarely first responders are equipped or willing to examine their own injuries. The skills that define the profession—control, composure, endurance—can also make it harder to recognize when something deeper needs attention.

Trauma does not go away because it is repressed or managed. For some of us, that reality may not come into focus until after work is done and the radio is turned off. For others, the impact appears much earlier, in strained relationships, harmful behaviors, or a growing sense that something is not right but cannot be easily named.

What I have learned through this process is that ignoring these signs comes at a cost. Even assuming that the tools we were given at the beginning of our careers are the only ones available to us.

It is my hope that others in this profession will allow themselves to turn their investigative eyes inward in an effort to serve themselves. Ask the tough questions. Do your research. Follow the evidence where it leads. Not all things we were taught to fear are the same, and not all wounds are visible.

Special Agent in Charge Kemmi Sadler (Ret.) is the founder of Legalize the Divine, which advocates for safe and legal access to ancient healing traditions. A former St.Augustine, Florida Police Department officer, he is also a speaker for the Law Enforcement Action Partnership, and the author of From the Badge to the Vine: A Federal Agent’s Awakening Through Ayahuasca.

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GreenTech Amsterdam 2026 in 2026 photos

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11 hours ago

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June 13, 2026

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Well, it’s not 2026 photos, but with around 600 photos, we definitely did our best. For the past two days, the Netherlands has been the place to be for the global greenhouse industry. From Flower Trials for the horticulture sector, company visits to growers and technical suppliers, as well as dinners, get-togethers, drinks, knowledge sessions and much more. And of course with GreenTech Amsterdam.

The event brought together professionals from around the world to connect, network, share knowledge and do business.

Next week, we’ll be sharing more information on market developments, trends, what’s on display, news, business news, innovations and whatever else you can think of, but for now we’ll stick to photo reporting.

Click here for the photo report.

© Arlette Sijmonsma | MMJDaily.com










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Illinois Governor Signs Bill To Double Marijuana Possession Limit, Restrict Hemp THC Products And Reform Rules For Businesses

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11 hours ago

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June 13, 2026

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Illinois’ governor has signed an omnibus cannabis bill into law doubles the amount of marijuana that adults can legally possesssignificantly restricts hemp THC products and makes other changes to the rules under which licensed businesses can operate.

Governor JB Pritzker on Friday gave final approval to the legislation, which cleared the House and Senate about two weeks ago.

As established by law, SB 3222 allows state residents over the age of 21 to possess up to 60 grams of marijuana flower, double the previous law. They can also contain up to 10 grams of concentrated cannabis and infused products with up to 1,000 mg of THC, double the previous limit. Ownership amounts for non-resident adults are also doubled under the bill.

People with past convictions for possession of 60 grams of marijuana will now have the option to have those records expunged; they can double the previous cut, which only those with convictions of up to 30 grams can have the right.

The legislation also recriminalizes hemp THC products with more than 0.4 milligrams of THC per container, in line with the federal ban that will take effect in November.

“Rather than allowing an ambiguous market to put people at risk, Illinois is taking steps to protect consumers of all ages, especially children, from misleading packaging and labeling,” Pritzker said in a press release. “This landmark legislation closes the intoxicating cannabis loophole while strengthening equity and oversight and expanding medical access. Illinois is committed to cultivating a cannabis industry that benefits diverse businesses across the state and prioritizes accessibility, and I’m proud to sign this measure into law.”

Among other changes, the bill also allows for drive-thru and curbside pickup at dispensaries, allows them to stay open until 2 a.m., and allows medical cannabis certificates to be issued via telehealth.

The hood limits of craft cannabis growers will be expanded to between 5,000 and 14,000 square meters, and the new the law loosens some security requirements for marijuana companies, and also waives or reduces fees for smaller operators.

In 2019, the Pritzker signed the state’s initial marijuana legalization policy.

While broader restrictions on hemp products take effect in the state on Nov. 12, along with a similar federal move, sales to people under the age of 21 are immediately prohibited,

The legislation allows all marijuana dispensaries to register individually to specifically sell medical cannabis. The list of conditions for medical marijuana is also expanding to include female orgasmic disorder, endometriosis, ovarian cysts, and uterine fibroids.

“Illinois has led the nation in building a cannabis industry that prioritizes equity and public safety, and SB 3222 builds on that progress,” Governor Juliana Stratton said. he said. “By protecting young people from intoxicating unregulated hemp products and creating clear standards for the industry, we’re ensuring consumers are safer while maintaining opportunities for diverse businesses and communities across our state.”

Mike Latimer’s photo.

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Shining a spotlight on compliance and innovation at Cannabis Expo Johannesburg 2026

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1 day ago

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June 12, 2026

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On May 29, 2026, global cannabis technology company CannBro was invited to the Cannabis Expo in Johannesburg to share insights on emerging cannabis-related medical applications and supply chain strategies in the cannabis markets.

At the event, CannBro highlighted its partnership with the CHEEBA Cannabis Academy to promote industry education, compliance awareness and the development of regulatory standards in emerging cannabis markets. The company highlighted the importance of establishing strong regulatory and compliance frameworks for the sustainable growth of the industry.

© CannBro

As a company certified with ISO 13485 and GMP, CannBro actively explores medical cannabis applications and collaborates with health organizations to discuss potential clinical research and CBD product applications.

© CannBro

CannBro also introduced the “Factory Pricing + Local Stock” strategy, combining manufacturing capabilities in China with warehouses located overseas, enabling efficient delivery of local inventory. The company currently operates warehouses in the United States, Canada, Germany and South Africa and has helped more than 150 customers with local stock delivery solutions that reduce costs and improve inventory turnover.

In addition, CannBro visited local cannabis cultivation facilities to learn about the evolution of the South African market and explore potential partnerships for cultivation, medical applications and product development.

© CannBro

Andy Zhao, CEO of CannBro, said: “As the global cannabis market matures, fulfillment and medical applications will become key drivers of sustainable growth. CannBro remains committed to advancing the industry through education, medical research and supply chain innovation.”

For more information:
CannBro Technology
Email: (email protected)
www.cannbro.com



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